Future Freaks of Automotive Inbreeding
by Steve Siler

The Audi-Do: Being yet another car-truck-wagon-sport-utility multi-brid, the hypothetical Audi-Do stands apart most notably by its programmability. It’s the veritable Rubik’s Cube of vehicles that you can program, via its mobile-office control module (read: driver’s seat), to be all kinds of vehicles in one: It can serve as a classy techno-sedan or grow a rear deck and rise a few inches to become a conventional sport ute, then fold itself origami-style into a pickup truck, and then shed its skin and office supplies to become a minimalist roadster when the sun comes out. Note: If anybody can pull off this kind of vehicle, design-savvy Audi can.

The BMW Tree-Series: An environmentalist’s best friend, the BMW Tree-Series would be based, of course, on the 3-Series, but would be powered not by gas, but by, say, high-efficiency batteries that are rechargeable by running on a treadmill at home. Most parts would be recycled from other cars, while innovations would include seat fabrics made from recycled paper and a direct link of the GPS system to Greenpeace’s local activist center. An integrated peace sign would replace BMW’s traditional blue-and-white propeller badge for the first time in corporate history.

The Mercury Cougart: Forget the oddly named Mercury concept car shown this year in Detroit; the even more oddly named Cougart is the hybrid they need to make, and just in time for those summer shopping binges. Mercury could simply graft on a stake-bed-like rear deck to its cute little Cougar sports car and presto! A vehicle that would all but live at the mall. Imagine all of the groceries, clothes, and furniture that could easily fit into the bed of this tight-handling, super-size shopping cart. And if the right materials are used, the stake-bed approach could enhance rear-end collision and rollover protection. Interesting thought, eh? So are you listening, automakers? Fusion is fun! There’s so much to discover beyond the hybrid horizon. I just can’t wait to see what’s next.