Welcome New Mechanics - How to Learn Facial Expressions
By Herbert Lehmann
your instructor, allow me to welcome you new mechanics to the second
day of our seminar. In your quest to become service managers at automotive
repair garages, you have enrolled in this course to learn procedures
and facial expressions that are necessary in your dealings with the
driving public. Many of you will emerge from these lessons and go
on to bigger and better things; others will fold. Those of you who
fold will become our service managers.
you will recall that in class yesterday, we went over how to move
an automobile in periodic steps from the spot where it was left by
the owner, thus lulling the driver into believing that his vehicle
is being worked on. We also touched on how to react to requests for
same-day service from stranded vacationing motorists. Can anyone answer
that? Thats right; first look incredulous, laugh out loud, and
then repeat one of the stock replies from page three of our Service
Directors handbook, namely, Call us in about a week or
Those parts are only made in Iraq.
far, so good. Today we will go over the procedures to follow once
you have inspected a vehicle that has been brought in for a repair
estimate. These steps are important. First, ignore the driver for
15 or 20 minutes, perhaps answer the phone several times; then, while
shaking your head from side to side, whistle and mutter ominously;
We can tackle it, but its gonna cost ya. Or, Its
up to you. We can fix it now or install a whole new engine later.
Or, I wouldnt risk driving that car home. This will
prepare the customer (we never refer to them as marks) for the staggering
bill that usually follows.
wind it up for today. Tomorrow we will go over how to present a final
bill that is several hundred percent over and above your verbal estimate
and how to explain dents in the car bodies that were not there when
the car was dropped off. Well also offer some repair terms that
can confuse and befuddle car owners, like torque, rack and pinion,
caliper fatigue, and rotor warp. Well add some doublespeak identifications
that you can interject like gramistat, togglebinder, zitherstrut,
and flange burnout, all of which have successfully frustrated owners
in the past.
course will conclude with the final, most important instructions
on how to explain to the owner of an automobile that the warranty
he purchased was not bumper-to-bumper, rather it covered only
the two bumpers. Class dismissed.