The Oil Change & A Gender Related
Difference of Opinion
found this oh-so-true (but slightly exaggerated) bit of humor circulating
on the Internet -- we know you'll be
laughing along with us when
you read it!
Change Instructions For Women:
Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3,000 since the last
2. Drink a cup of coffee.
3. Fifteen minutes later, write a check and leave with a
properly maintained vehicle.
Oil Change $30.00
Coffee $ 1.00
Oil Change Instructions For Men:
1. Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50.00 for
oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.
Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking
it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
Open a beer and drink it.
Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place drain pan under engine.
8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
Give up and use crescent wrench.
Unscrew drain plug.
Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: get hot oil on you in process.
Clean up mess.
Have another beer while watching oil drain.
Look for oil filter wrench.
Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
17. Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change
18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
19. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20. Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.
21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to
23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24. Remember drain plug from step 11.
25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26. Realize drain plug got dumped in the hole in the backyard, with
28. Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
30. Drink beer.
31. Tighten drain plug, slip on oil and bang knuckles on the frame
32. Bang head on floorboard in reaction to step 31.
33. Begin cussing fit.
34. Throw wrench.
35. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December
(1992) in the left boob.
37. Clean up hands and forehead and bandages required to stop blood
40. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
42. Lower car from jack stands.
43. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
44. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during
46. Test drive car.
47. Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48. Car gets impounded.
49. Make bail: Get car from impound yard.
Parts $ 50.00
Beer $ 25.00
Replace Jacks $ 75.00 (hey, the colors have to match!)
Towing & Impound $ 200.00
The look on your wife's face .... Priceless!